Thanksgiving Blessings / Mom
Thanksgiving Blessings. The title of this note gave me a lot to think about. What do I write to you Kel that you don't already know? As I sit here before my work computer (yes, Uncle Gary is going to do his best to fix our computer), I have no idea what words my fingers will type. Here goes...
2 yrs 5 months 1 week without you physically here with us. It's hard to think of things to be thankful for when that is always in the forefront of my mind. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss you. With the holidays upon us, there aren't many days which go by that I don't have a few, and some days more than a few, tears. Still. I talk to those who have been a bereaved parent for much longer than us, and we've been told that it will always be that way. We have been told that there will be days that physically losing you will still seem like it just happened last night all over again, and that is 20 years down the road. I can understand that, because I know that in 20 years, I will not love you any less than what I do now and no less than what I did 2 yrs 5 months and 1 week ago.
So with Thanksgiving here and now gone, how do I focus on Thanksgiving Blessings? I know you would expect me to hold my head up and plow ahead. I've taken a lot of deep breaths to get through the last week, and I'm sure that is only the tip of the iceberg for this holiday season. So, I am going to do my best to count my blessings this holiday season. It might take some hard work, but I know you would expect no less from me.
For my Thanksgiving Blessings this year, I am thankful for God lending me all 3 of you girls. I am grateful for the 16 yrs 10 months we had you physically in our lives. I am grateful to have your 2 sisters. I am thankful they have both found and married young men who love them completely. Christina and Rose are both so very happy. They may lead very different lives, but they have each found happiness, and for that I am extremely grateful.
I am also thankful for your dad, Mike. He has brought so much kindness to our lives. He has continued to be my rock and his arms my strength when I feel like I don't know how to put the pieces back together. I know you were a year shy of him adopting you, but I still think of him in that sense because that was your greatest wish. I won't forget your telling him on your 16th birthday that on your 18th birthday he would be taking you to the courthouse for him to adopt you. I am grateful you had each other.
One more Thanksgiving Blessing to be so very grateful for...the gift of enlightenment. Without a doubt, I know now that life continues on beyond death. You have been a persistent and a wonderful teacher. "Kelli stories and signs" continue to be a part of our lives. We can fill a book with all of the cool things you have done since the accident. Very cool stuff which bring immeasureable comfort to us. My wish for other parents/families is that they keep the doors to their minds and their hearts open. Life does not end, but it continues on. A difficult concept for some to wrap their minds around, but a very real one with endless possibilities. You continue to amuse and delight us Kelli, and that makes learning an adventure. Thank you.
Love you always & forever,
Mom
Momma
Mommmeeeeee
xoxoxo
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