A note to Kelli on her 3rd Angelversary / Mom
Dearest Kelli,
It is time once again to put into words what I feel so strongly in my heart. I don't always have the best way with the written word. So much is said in the heart.
As I sit here typing this note to you, I am listening to some music. Martina McBride is singing "In My Daughter's Eyes" right now. That song brings a warm hug to my heart because of all of the times you used to belt it out in the car as it came on the radio when we were out and about. You did your best to hit all of the notes, and it always warmed my heart to see you put such passion into this song. Just as important to me is when you and Morgaine sang this song at our reception. I remember as if it were yesterday. The glow of love as you sang. As much as I think about this song, you, and other things, it makes me wonder if in some way you were trying to prepare me for what was to come.
In some deep way, did you subconsciously know you would be physically leaving us soon and tried to prepare us? The songs you left behind. The notes. The poetry you wrote. We had just found your poetry when Megan asked me if we found your poems. She knew about your poems. I didn't, but after reading them I had to wonder if you knew. They came from your heart. You wrote one poem about a car accident, almost as if it were to be, which, as we know, it was. You also made sure we had special gifts to bring a smile to our faces. They still do. Your gifts. Your handwritten notes. Your cards. Your pictures. Your photos. So much to remember you by. I can't listen to chimes without thinking of you and the chimes you gave to me as gifts, even as a little girl. You used to love listening to the chime's music, and I told you the chimes sounded like angels playing music. You loved that, and when the chimes would play, you would say, " hey Momma, the angels are playing music again." So many things to never, ever forget.
3 years. It's been a long, hard 3 years. I have days when it seems like your accident happened yesterday. I've been told it will always be that way. So often I wonder how I have managed to get through these last 3 years, and the answer always comes back to you. I try to follow your lead and be the person God intends me to be. I pray for strength to get me through the day. I pray for guidance to make the right decisions. I pray to be lead down the path as it is intended to be. No matter where it takes me. I treasure your role as the teacher, and it warms my heart to know that you are always watching over us. You continue to play with the lights, and the tv, and the radio, and the chimes, and whatever else you can think of. Your unexpected gifts give my heart a hug and never fail to bring a smile to my face. I welcome it all with open arms, and an open heart and mind.
As your 3-year angel date approaches, I am already thinking of the next year and how I am going to get through it. I know though that you will be with me every step of the way. Of this I am sure.
I love you Kelli, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't give thanks to have been your mom. No matter the heartache, your love is a gift. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Love you more,
Momma
xoxoxo
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