Scattered Thoughts / Mom
Hi sweetie,
Lot of thoughts are running around in my head today. No special reason. Just triggered by events, I think. We went to a wedding yesterday which was absolutely beautiful. The ceremony was beautiful. The bride was stunning. Her dress was gorgeous. Everything was so very nice. The reception was over-the-top nice but not stuck-up, you know? Very down-to-earth, but nice. There was a chocolate table as we walked in with many, many different kinds of chocolate candies. There was a chocolate fountain, as well as a caramel fountain, with fruit and sweets to be dipped. There was a mashed potato bar with all of the trimmings, and there was even a bread table with various breads in a huge basket, as well as different butters and spreads on slabs of marble. Dinner was an extremely nice buffet. Cake was suberb. Absolutely suberb.
Through it all, my mind kept straying to you. During the ceremony. During the reception. Even though I know you are always with us, the thought of not seeing you in your beautiful wedding dress walk down the aisle and not having the chance to dance at your own wedding was a huge lump to swallow. Another milestone to work through.
A friend of yours called me first thing yesterday morning with some news. She is having a baby, and she is 5 weeks along. The reality is still setting in for her, but she is nervous, excited and happy. She wanted to share the news with us and called us bright and early at 0730. lol We're happy for her, her boyfriend, and her family. Through her news though came a lump in my throat and sadness in my heart. We'll never hear your voice tell us of your happy news. We'll never get to see the briliant smile on your face as you share your due date. We'll never see you grow with child. Huge lump. Huge, huge lump in my throat. Heaviness in my heart. Another milestone to work through.
Two milestones in the space of just a few hours to work through. The work will never be done, will it? I tell myself to take a deep breath and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Then as we sat in church this morning, I felt you so very strongly. You were there, with us. Enjoying the service, with us. Enjoying the music, with us. Sitting alongside of me telling me that it's okay to be sad for those things, but to be happy because you will always be here with us. You reminded me you always are here. I felt your touch upon my cheek. Your hand upon mine. How can I argue when you put it like that? Tears came, but they were tears of joy and not of sadness.
Some people may think me a nut because we have such a connection. I think of myself as blessed, as does your dad, Mike. Others can think what they want. I know, we know, what is. It is what it is. :-)
I love you Kelli Marie, now and forever. xoxoxo
Momma
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